Don't Get Murdered, Do Get Laid!

The DenverHotwife.com Field Guide to Safe Swinging

Intro: Safety is the Foreplay You Didn’t Know You Needed

You joined DenverHotwife.com because missionary with the lights off wasn’t cutting it anymore. You’re craving adventure, spice, and stories you’ll never share at Thanksgiving dinner. But let’s keep it real: meeting strangers for sexy fun has risks. And while danger might sound hot in a Fifty Shades of Netflix Trash kind of way, in reality? Not sexy.

Safety is like lube. Nobody brags about it, but without it everything chafes, burns, and ends in regret. So buckle up, buttercup. Here’s your irreverent guide to staying safe, sane, and still scandalously satisfied while diving into the wild world of swinging.

1. Vet Before You Sweat (a.k.a. Catfish-Free is the Only Kink That Matters)

You wouldn’t eat sushi out of a gas station bathroom. Why would you meet someone without doing a little recon?

• Video Chat = Condoms for Your Face. A five-minute video call is all it takes to prove they’re not a 2007 stock photo. If they won’t do it? Bye, Felicia.
• Google Is Free, Use It. Reverse image search is your new sex toy.
• Gut Check. If your spidey-sense tingles, listen. The only “tingle” you want is the good kind.
  
  

2. Public First Dates Aren’t Just for Church People

Yes, your fantasy is hot: meet, flirt, and dash back to their place faster than you can say “pineapple safe word.” Reality check: always meet in public first.

• Coffee, Cocktails, Karaoke. Neutral turf where you can laugh and bail if needed.
• Tell a Friend. Share your location. This isn’t paranoia; it’s grown-up hide-and-seek.
• Drive Yourself. Nothing kills a mood like being trapped with Captain Creeper.

Remember: foreplay is hotter when it starts in public. Eye contact across the bar? That’s free porn.

3. Boundaries: The New Black Lace

Nothing makes you look hotter than knowing your limits. Consent isn’t just “nice to have” — it’s the only damn dress code.

• Talk Before You Drop Your Pants. “Yes to kissing, no to butt stuff” is not an awkward sentence. It’s survival.
• Safe Words Aren’t Just for Dungeons. Pick one. Own it. “Banana hammock” works just fine.
• Enthusiastic Yes Only. If it’s not a “HELL YES,” it’s a nope.
  
  

Think of boundaries like Netflix parental controls. Without them, someone’s gonna click on the wrong thing and ruin the whole night.

4. Wrap It Up, Buttercup (a.k.a. The Condom Olympics)

If you’re not into latex, tough luck — safety is sexier than antibiotics.

• BYO Protection. Never assume someone else has the goods. Be the Boy Scout of banging.
• Testing Talk = Dirty Talk. Forget “what’s your sign?” The real line is “when was your last panel?”
• Lube is L-O-V-E. Dry encounters are for deserts and awkward small talk.
• Nothing ruins a good romp like an awkward clinic visit.

5. Booze ≠ Safety Blanket (More Like Regret Blanket)

Yes, a glass of wine loosens lips (all of them). A bottle of tequila, though? That’s how you end up crying in a Taco Bell drive-thru.

• Stay Sharp. Drunk you is generous with bad decisions.
• Know Your Limit. A buzz is cute. Slurring “so are you guys, like, related?” is not.
• Guard Your Glass. Rule one of adulting: never leave your drink alone.
  
  

Pro tip: the best hookups are the ones you actually remember.

6. Personality > Pretty Pics (a.k.a. Don’t Date Walking Red Flags)

Sure, abs are nice. But you know what’s sexier? Someone who respects you.

• Check the Small Stuff. Do they listen? Do they respect “no”? Do they text like a grown-up or like a raccoon with Wi-Fi?
• Watch for Pressure. If they guilt-trip you before dessert, imagine what they’ll do after.
• Sexy Energy > Selfies. Chemistry is hotter than Photoshop.
  
  

If someone treats your boundaries like a buffet, don’t date them — mace them.

7. Exit Strategies: Ghost Like a Damn Ninja

Sometimes you know in five minutes: “Nope. Not tonight, Satan.” Here’s how to leave gracefully.

• Bail Text Ready. “Sorry, my cat just learned how to open the oven.” Done.
• Uber = Magic Carpet. Always have your own ride.
• Zero Guilt. You don’t owe anyone your body, your time, or your nachos.

8. Aftercare Isn’t Just for Kinksters

Whether the night ends with fireworks or a polite hug, don’t skip the check-in.

• Text the Next Day. “Had fun, thanks!” is classy.
• Be Honest. Want a second round? Say so. Don’t? Don’t ghost. That’s for Halloween.
• Respect Boundaries Tomorrow, Too. One good night doesn’t buy lifetime access.
  
  

Swinging isn’t just about the moment; it’s about building a community of respect (and great stories).

9. Red Flags That Should Make You Run (Not Walk)

Because sometimes people come with “Do Not Touch” warnings.

• They trash-talk their ex in the first five minutes.
• They dodge every safety question like it’s dodgeball.
• They pressure you, period.
  
  

If you see red flags, treat them like stop signs. Don’t debate, don’t negotiate, just nope out.

🕶️ Conclusion: Stay Alive, Stay Sexy

Swinging is supposed to be fun. Epic. The kind of stories you’ll never tell your grandkids but will whisper to your besties forever. But none of that magic happens if you ignore the basics of safety.

So remember:

• Vet before you sweat.
• Public dates first.
• Boundaries are lingerie for your soul.
• Condoms are hotter than antibiotics.
• Booze is not a safety net.
• Exit like a ninja if needed.
• Respect lingers after the hookup.

Now go forth, you glorious sex-positive unicorns. Be safe, be smart, and may your adventures be spicy enough to keep you smiling in traffic the next morning.